HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY CHRISTIAN!
LOVE YOU

In my yard...

Like the deer

My run this morning took me through the park behind my house. As I was running on the bridge over the river, I looked up and abruptly came to a halt. Just ahead at the water's edge was a mother deer and her two babies. They were beautiful. I wish that I had my camera with me to take their picture. I watched them for a few moments until they ran off.

As I continued on my run, I was reminded of the following verse in the Bible:

Psalm 42:1-2a

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

I spent the next mile praising the Lord for the great reminder of how my soul should thirst for the Lord. When the deer are thirsty they go to the source, to the river, to satisfy their needs. So to should I go to the source, to the Lord, to satisfy my thirsty soul.

Full

Do you ever feel like your mind is so full that you cannot think or express yourself very well? This is how I have been for the past few days. I have so many different thoughts running through my mind that I cannot really write them. I tend to do a lot of journaling as a way to process and sort my thoughts, but for some reason this has become more of a task lately.

My thoughts mostly concern my future. I have decided that I will be staying for the next year to continue my pursuit of a PhD in statistics. But now I ask myself what I want to focus on for my research and what direction I want to take in statistics.

At the same time I continue to be challenged in figuring out who I am and living that out. I am learning how to combine my feelings, thoughts, needs, and dreams.

I realize that these thoughts are random and a bit unorganized...but that's me right now.

Wait on the Lord

Over the past week or so I have spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to wait upon the Lord. Often when I think of this it involves quietly, patiently sitting. I think it often is used as though we are not to do anything until we know that He is telling us.

Well, later I was reading in Matthew 8 when Jesus heals Peter's mother-in-law. After she is healed, she gets up and waits on the Lord. In this context, wait means to serve.

I am intrigued by this word and am not through studying about waiting. Perhaps there will be more thoughts on this subject at a later time. Here are lyrics to a great song:

Everlasting God - Lincoln Brewster

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won’t grow weary

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won’t grow weary

You’re the Defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

RAGBRAI comes to town!

RAGBRAI, The Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa, has come to Ames! It is a BIG deal here. Practically the entire town has embraced the event. For a small town in central Iowa, such an event brings lots of excitement.

There are approximately 10,000 rides and at least 10,000 supporters that have converged upon Ames. This is pretty much doubling the current population of Ames! There are bicycles and riders, tents and RVs, food stands and people everywhere. It seems as though Ames has turned into a very large camp ground for the night. There are even 8 tents in our own front yard. [Yes, we sort of know the people...they are friends of a friend.] Tonight there is an entire festival planned with fireworks and everything!

RAGBRAI is a 472 bike ride across Iowa over the course of 7 days. Towns petition to get RAGBRAI to stay in their town. Read more here.

I think it would be SO much fun to do some summer. Anyway, that's the big news from Ames...

Odd food names

I was just reading in my new Asian Cookbook. I came across a Korean recipe that called for dried cloud-ear fungus. Doesn't that sound appealing?! Who thought of that name? I have eaten it before in Korean dishes, but I had never known what it was called. I thought it was some kind of mushroom, which I guess in a way it is since it is a fungus too.

Shopping

Generally, I don't like to go shopping. But I do like to shop if:
1. I am with my mom and/or sister
2. I am shopping for shoes
3. I am shopping for books

Yesterday afternoon I got "lost" in Borders for a few hours. I had received a gift card there for my birthday and I definitely enjoyed using it. I decided that I was going to buy books on things that I enjoy but don't take the time to do. I got a book of poetry, a cookbook, and a book on digital photography. So last night my reading material before I went to bed was a cookbook. Well, at least that is better than a research article. :) I am excited about my new books and looking forward to their pursuits.

Mind's Eye

I have been in one of my photography modes. Sometimes it seems like everywhere I look I see pictures. During these times, I carry my camera with my most places so that I can try to capture what my eyes see. But why is it that the pictures never turn out quite like I envision. Sometimes the pictures are from around town (like those yesterday) and sometimes they are things that I think are unique and interesting (like todays).

I hope today is a day filled with beauty and is picture perfect.

Ames

You might be a Grad student if...

A friend of mine sent me a list of 104 ways to know you are a graduate student. I found some of them so true and funny. I thought I'd pass a few along. I added my own comments after each one. Enjoy reading a bit about my life :)

You think you should be paying rent for your office/library chair instead of your home – I sure have felt this way this summer.

You bring a scholarly article everywhere you go – Yup, pretty much everywhere except to church.

You rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop – And if there are extension cords so that you can actually reach them.

You have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event – Actually I have them most places.

You find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text – Well, they are; they are like rabbits holes.

You start referring to stories like "Snow white, et al" – I think this one is funny :)

You have a coffee maker, phone charger, and food in a lab – And a fridge, microwave, radio.

You write programs for classes that have nothing to do with programming – We write programs “for fun” and enjoy it.

You procrastinate on one project by working on another project – There is always productive procrastination.

You can't calculate a mean unless you're using SPSS or SAS – Thankfully I can calculate a mean without SPSS or SAS, but I use SAS on a daily basis.

Sleeping in means sleeping until 8:30 – Yup, I get pretty excited if the hour I see upon opening my eyes is after 8:00.

Everything reminds you of something in your discipline – Statistics are everywhere!

Professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore – Sometimes.

You've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied – I know, it’s sad.

The professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyway – Yup.

You get a 3-hour final with 5 questions or less – My 2 day exam was only 6 questions.

You've memorized your professors' home phone numbers – Yup.

Your professors know your home phone number – And call it.

More than 25% of your textbook is "left as an exercise for the reader." – It’s more like 50% and this past semester 2 of my 3 courses used books written by the professor.

PASSED!!!

This afternoon Sarah, my major professor, called to tell me that I had passed my written PhD prelim exam! I am pretty excited!

Each day

This is a song by Bluetree that I really enjoy. I have been listening to it almost every day. You can listen to it here.

Each day in the morning sun
I see you
And my heart cries out
With praise for you
King of this heart

Each time in the summer rain
I feel you
And my spirit cries
With praise for you
Lord of this life

You never leave me alone
Even when storms cloud my way
And I can’t see break of day
You never leave me alone

For you’ll get the praise you’re due
For even the rocks cry out to you
And when it’s said and done
You never leave me alone

Each night in the evening moon
I see you
You’re beauty shines for all to see
King of glory

Neither death nor life
Nor darkness or even light
Can separate me from your love

Bugs

Last night I decided on my favorite bug. LIGHTNING BUGS! I was riding my bike home from having dinner and watching a movie with a bunch of friends. I was riding past the corn fields (common occurrence here in Iowa) and there were little flashes of light everywhere. What I really wanted to do was stop and go lay down in one of the rows in the middle of the field and watch them. But I didn't want to do it by myself, perhaps if a friend was with me I could have convinced them to join me. Instead I just stopped and watched them for awhile. It was beautiful!

This morning I went out on a bike ride along my favorite country road with amazing houses and a deer ran across my path.

It amazes me that nothing in Ames is over 4 miles away and yet I can ride my bike through corn fields filled with lightning bugs and country roads with deer running across my path. It is funny about how distances are relative to where you live. Here in Ames I think that to go across town is so far, but it is only about 3.5-4 miles. When I am at home in Tempe, we drive that far just to get groceries at Trader Joe's. :)

Anyway, I am currently fascinated with lightning bugs and I just might venture out there again tonight to watch them!

"Coming unglued"

Many of the thoughts that make there way to a post come while I am out running. Running clears my head and allows me to let my thoughts wander without distractions.

Today while I was running, I somehow got to thinking about the phrase "coming unglued." I really don't like this phrase. I think that it is often used when we are going to be honest about what is really going on in life. It indicates that we should have everything together, look perfect, and not have problems. But when we allow things to "break through" then we are seen as coming unglued.

I feel like we have become a society who walks around with masks on. We are who we think others want us to be. These are gross over-generalizations and I am not sure how well I have really formulated these thoughts, but this is what I am thinking about.

I want to "unglued" all of the time. I want to be honest, truthful. I am me!

Brain = Oatmeal

My brain is a little bit like oatmeal right now. Over the past few days I have completed my PhD written prelim exam. It was an affair that lasts eight hour each day for two days. I am glad to have it behind me now. Over the past 6 weeks I have:

Spent 16 hours taking an exam
Run over 200 miles
Spent more than 300 hours studying
Eaten lots of dark chocolate - luckily I cannot figure out how much :)

It will be nice to move forward and not constantly be thinking about the exam. Well actually, I probably won't be able to stop thinking about it until I hear whether or not I passed.

All About Me

Today as I was running I was thinking about all of the things that I love most. It was a long run, so the list is rather lengthy. :) I hope you enjoy reading all about me.

the smell of clothes drying
the smell just after a rain storm
good conversation with friends
cuddling
clean sheets
fresh lemonade
holding a baby
the feel of mud between my toes
the feel of the warm sunshine upon my face
going home
the deep tone of the wind chimes my grandpa makes
the mountains
to sing at the top of my lungs
to ride my bike downhill - fast!
the good feeling of sore legs after a hard, long run
to drive in the winter with the windows rolled down and the heater on
yams
freshly baked bread
a good book, comfy chair, and pot of green tea
laughing so hard I cry
a good, cleansing cry
a heart to heart talk with my mom
hugs
sharing laughter with Christian and Carina
a bike ride with my dad
summer
journaling
trying new recipes

Freedom

I think that today, being the 4th of July, is an appropriate day to contemplate freedom. I just finished my run and spent most of the time thinking about the freedoms I have and praising God for granting them to me.

By the end of my run, I realized that I feel freer today than I have in a long time. I feel free to feel, to think, and to mostly just be me. I have been speaking with a few key people in my life about some issues, grief, and feelings that have been building up inside me for a long time. I am feeling freedom from lies that I have believed. I am feeling freedom to say what I think and feel what I feel. I am free to feel differently, relate differently, and care about different things than others.

It is so great to live in freedom!

Genuine, Honest, True

I was thinking today how many times the question of "How are you?" is answered with the simple response of "Fine." That is what is expected and accepted as an answer. I, too, have fallen prey to this ready answer. People don't really want to see the messy, struggling, troubled me.

But if you do respond with the truth, then you receive 'advice' on how to fix the situations in your life. There seems to be a wealth of standard answers for how to get things back in order. What if all we wanted were listening ears?

I feel caught in the middle of these. I don't want to give the answer of "fine" because I want to be genuine, honest, and true. Yet at the same time I get tired of hearing the standard responses. How does one balance these?

So, here I sit contemplating these thoughts and praying that I can work on my listening ears for others.